how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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