she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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