it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
