i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
