I think i peed on brittanys purse
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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