Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
