He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
