Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
