Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
