U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it hurts more in the daytime
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
