Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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