he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
