Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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