Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
