It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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