The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
