she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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