It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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