i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
