you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
