the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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