just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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