Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry about my life...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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