You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
