..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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