Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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