Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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