I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.