My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.