When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.