I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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