singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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