is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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