if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
