also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
