i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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