It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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