he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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