Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
