I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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