awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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