His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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