let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
