I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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