Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think my cat just said my name.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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