worst night to have a conscience
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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