Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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