this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize