On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
