I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
