i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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