I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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