so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
