I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
