U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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