thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
