you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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