you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
