As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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