I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just had sex on a roof
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
