I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
