Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
