Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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