I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
