Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
